Hey everyone,

Just thought it was time to update my journal a bit.
Yes, I'm still alive, and no, I haven't given up on dA or drawing or whatever. I've just been far too busy the past months to... well to do anything really, it's fecking annoying. This is my final year in 'high school' (as far as the american schoolsystem can be compared to the dutch one...), and in may I'll have my finals. And then...... FINALLY done. I just realised that this is my 14th year at school... and that I'm 17 years old :S Disturbing isn't it? Ah well, let's not linger on the subject too much, it'll only depress us more
Anyway, after my finals I'm planning on entering an education called 'Communication and Media Design' in Utrecht (please don't make me say it again, from now on I'll refer to it as CMD), which is perfect for me, I think. It's got a lot to do with large projects (commercial or journalistic or whatever works) and using all different media (like tv, radio, magazines...). It sounds like a lot of fun and I think I can really express a lot of my 'talents' (ehm xD) in it. Ah what am I saying, I'd do pretty much any study that hasn't got math xD -no seriously, I swear math will become the cause of my doom one day-

Beside the regular shit at school, I also have several art projects running to keep me from collapsing. (not joking)
Firstly, I'm working on my final for Art class, which is pretty much the most meaningful, personal thing I've made so far. It's about confrontation, and in my case, the appearance of confrontations that aren't actually there. You see, so many people think the're different than one another, so many religions think the'll never match, but in fact the're not that different at all. In my life, I've mostly chosen the middle way in just about every choice I had to make. I was raised a protestant, and I think many good things are present in that religion, like comfort and selflessness, the need to do good for the people around you, awareness and love. I've never doubted my religion, but I don't think I was really aware of it and I didn't really feel it to the fullest. Then, little over a year ago, I slowly got introduced to paganism by my friends, and the fairs I started attending. At Castlefest 2008, the first time I saw Omnia live, while the wickerman was burning, we all were singing, and the energy was flowing strongly through all of us. I think that's the moment it struck me. The feeling I had been missing without knowing it. I felt Alive. That night, something changed in me, like somebody had opened my eyes. I started noticing all the beautiful things in nature, and the importance of it. I had never felt so full of life and energy, never more connected to the people around me than that one night. So what had I become? It took me a while to figure it out, but now that I have, I am sure it's right. Why can't I be a christian and a pagan at the same time? Why can't I take the best of both and combine it? I get my compassion and the guidelines for living together with humans from christianity, and I get the energy of life and the awareness of nature from paganism. There is no confrontation, no inner conflict in me. Just balance. Perfect balance and peace. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
This change I have been going through the past year, is the subject I am trying to express in my final piece for Art Class.

Secondly, to make sure this journal is still going somewhere, I'm working on my profile-piece (difficult to explain) together with ~Otherra. We are going to draw Ares and Isis, as ancient gods, first by using the methods and materials of old times, then in our own style in oil paint. I hope it's gonna be as awesome as we picture it xD

And beside all that, I'm also painting again at the house of the lovely Antonetta, who has helped me with painting before. Everytime I go there, I feel calm and I don't think about everything I have to do the next day. It truly is a wonderful privilege to get to work in her atelier. I'm momentarily painting my dog on a small canvas, and when it's finished, I'll start painting something for in our own living room (with autumn-colours ).


Ehmm I think this journal has become three times as long as I planned it to be. Sorry to bother you (if there's still anyone reading at this point ). I'm going to bed now. xD


Big hugs to all who need 'em!

Be alive!
Eef